You're Always Teaching...but What?

We homeschool our children. Along with the shock and horror with which many respond, and the immediate questions pertaining to our suitability as teachers, whether or not the state is keeping its watchful eye on us and so forth, we often get this response: "I could never do that. I don't have the _________."

The blank can be filled with any number of words or phrases. 'Patience' is a common one.

I know what they mean, these people who find our lifestyle so absurd. They just can't imagine disrupting their own lifestyles and worldviews to take on a responsibility that is so far outside anything they've considered before. Sometimes it's an idealogical difference. Sometimes it's a comfort issue. Sometimes they truly believe we have some special ability they don't. My Beloved and I can be rather vehement in the defense of our beliefs on this issue, but we try not to make someone else feel bad because they aren't doing what we do. Homeschooling is not necessarily for everyone; we understand this contrary to what some may think.

However, we do believe that the education of their children is EVERY parent's responsibility. How you choose to provide for that education may vary based on your beliefs and circumstances. Before you dismiss homeschooling, though, consider this; everyone homeschools to some degree. You, as your child's parent, are one of the central figures in his/her life. If you keep that child home with you all day or only see him/her for an hour at the dinner table you are teaching that child. What you need to consider is what lessons you are imparting.

Rather than run down a list of things you may be teaching your child, both purposely and inadvertently, I will give you an example from my family. My Eldest is 12 years old. The next child is 8, so my Eldest is a few years ahead of her and perhaps a bit more perceptive than his siblings. He has, therefore, recently become aware of some of my vices and failings. One in particular, the details of which I will not get into, troubled him. He approached his mother about whether or not he should confront me about it. She then approached me with his concerns and we three sat down together to discuss the issue. I let him know that this particular vice was something I had struggled with for a long time and my Beloved let him know that she was quite aware of it. We discussed what was wrong with it and why I was extremely sorry it had impacted his life. We also discussed possible actions to take and I made it clear to him that he was not responsible for trying to police me as that was outside of his authority as my child but that I and his mother would work toward a solution.

So, let's break this down with a teacher's eye. First, my twelve-year-old son was exposed to a failure of his father's that was sufficiently disturbing that he felt the need to address it. Without even trying I was teaching him either acceptance of a vice or hypocrisy.

How many "do as I say not as I do" lessons have you imparted to your children?

Needless to say realizing that my son was aware of my actions made me take a hard look at myself. I say that I want him to grow up to be a good man, but what am I modeling for him? However, before I take myself out behind the woodshed let's see what else we can glean from this. My son, at 12, felt secure enough in his parents' love to point out a problem without worrying that there would be negative repercussions. Also, he had a firm enough understanding of the parent/child relationship to first make sure with his mother that it was appropriate for him to approach me. Lastly, he was both intelligent and mature enough to discuss the issue and accept the interim resolution arrived at by the three of us.

These facts are due to two things as I see it. First, God's grace has given us a wonderful child who is developing into a wonderful man despite our many human failings. Second, we have talked to, argued with, disciplined, encouraged, hugged, spanked, taught and loved this boy. We have done our best to model appropriate behavior and morals and admitted our failures when they have occurred. We have, in short, tried to instill all of the qualities we value in our son.

So, know this. If you have children you're a homeschooler. You may supplement the education you give your children with lessons taught by public or private schools. The things you teach may act as a counterpoint to the things they learn from someone else somewhere else, but every moment you are with them...and many of the moments you aren't...you are teaching them.

Now, stop. Consider. The lessons they're learning, are they the lessons you want to be teaching?